Part I Rules for You . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .1
1 Keep It Under Your Hat . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .4
2 You’ll Get Older But Not Necessarily Wiser . . . . . . . . . . . . .6
3 Accept What Is Done Is Done . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .8
4 Accept Yourself . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .10
5 Know What Counts and What Doesn’t . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .12
6 Dedicate Your Life to Something . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .14
7 Be Flexible in Your Thinking . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .16
8 Take an Interest in the Outside World . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .18
9 Be on the Side of the Angels, Not the Beasts . . . . . . . . . . .20
10 Only Dead Fish Swim with the Stream . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .22
11 Be the Last to Raise Your Voice . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .24
12 Be Your Own Adviser . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .26
13 No Fear, No Surprise, No Hesitation, No Doubt . . . . . . . . .28
14 I Wish I’d Done That—and I Will . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .30
15 It’s OK to Give Up . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .32
16 Count to Ten—or Recite “Baa Baa Black Sheep” . . . . . . . .34
17 Change What You Can Change; Let Go of the Rest . . . . .36
18 Aim to Be the Very Best at Everything You Do—
Not Second Best . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .38
19 Don’t Expect to Be Perfect . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .40
20 Don’t Be Afraid to Dream . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .42
21 If You’re Going to Jump Off a Bridge, Make Sure
You Know How Deep the Water Is . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .44
22 Don’t Dwell on the Past . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .46
23 Don’t Live in the Future . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .48
24 Get on With Life—It’s Whooshing Past . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .50
25 Be Consistent . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .52
26 Dress Like Today Is Important . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .54
27 Have a Belief System . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .56
28 Leave a Little Space for Yourself Each Day . . . . . . . . . . . . .58
29 Have a Plan . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .60
30 Have a Sense of Humor . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .62
31 Choose How You Make Your Bed . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .64
32 Life Can Be a Bit Like Advertising . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .66
33 Get Used to Stepping Outside Your Comfort Zone . . . . . . .68
34 Learn to Ask Questions . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .70
35 Have Dignity . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .72
36 It’s OK to Feel Big Emotions . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .74
37 Keep the Faith . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .76
38 You’ll Never Understand Everything . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .78
39 Know Where True Happiness Comes From . . . . . . . . . . . .80
40 Life Is a Pizza . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .82
41 Know When to Let Go—When to Walk Away . . . . . . . . . . . .84
42 Retaliation Leads to Escalation . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .86
43 Look After Yourself . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .88
44 Maintain Good Manners in All Things . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .90
45 Prune Your Stuff Frequently . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .92
46 Remember to Touch Base . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .94
47 Draw the Lines Around Yourself . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .96
48 Shop for Quality, Not Price . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .98
49 It’s OK to Worry, or to Know How Not To . . . . . . . . . . . . . .100
50 Stay Young . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .102
51 Throwing Money at a Problem Doesn’t Always Work . . . .104
52 Think for Yourself . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .106
53 You Are Not in Charge . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .108
54 Have Something in Your Life That Takes You
Out of Yourself . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .110
55 Only the Good Feel Guilty . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .112
56 If You Can’t Say Anything Nice, Don’t Say
Anything at All . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .114
Part II Partnership Rules . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .117
57 Accept the Differences, Embrace What You Have in
Common . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .120
58 Allow Your Partner the Space to Be Themselves . . . . . . .122
59 Be Nice . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .124
60 You Want to Do What? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .126
61 Be the First to Say Sorry . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .128
62 Go That Extra Step in Trying to Please Them . . . . . . . . . .130
63 Always Have Someone—or Something—That Is
Pleased to See You . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .132
64 Know When to Listen and When to Act . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .134
65 Have a Passion for Your Life Together . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .136
66 Make Sure Your Love Making Is Making Love . . . . . . . . . .138
67 Keep Talking . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .140
68 Respect Privacy . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .142
69 Check You Both Have the Same Shared Goals . . . . . . . . .144
70 Treat Your Partner Better Than Your Best Friend . . . . . . .146
71 Contentment Is a High Aim . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .148
72 You Don’t Both Have to Have the Same Rules . . . . . . . . .150
Part III Family and Friends Rules . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .153
73 If You Are Going to Be a Friend, Be a Good Friend . . . . . .156
74 Never Be Too Busy for Loved Ones . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .158
75 Let Your Kids Mess Up for Themselves—They Don’t
Need Any Help from You . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .160
76 Have a Little Respect and Forgiveness for
Your Parents . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .162
77 Give Your Kids a Break . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .164
78 Never Lend Money Unless You Are Prepared to
Write It Off . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .166
79 Keep Quiet . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .168
80 There Are No Bad Children . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .170
81 Be Up Around People You Love . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .172
82 Give Your Kids Responsibilities . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .174
83 Your Children Need to Fall Out with You to
Leave Home . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .176
84 Your Kids Will Have Friends You Don’t Like . . . . . . . . . . .178
85 Your Role as a Child . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .180
86 Your Role as a Parent . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .182
Part IV Social Rules . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .185
87 We’re All Closer Than You Think . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .188
88 It Doesn’t Hurt to Forgive . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .190
89 It Doesn’t Hurt to Be Helpful . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .192
90 What’s in It for Them? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .194
91 Hang Out with Positive People . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .196
92 Be Generous with Your Time and Information . . . . . . . . .198
93 Get Involved . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .200
94 Keep the Moral High Ground . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .202
95 Just Because You Have, Dosen’t Mean They
Have Too . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .204
96 Do Compare Yourself with Other People . . . . . . . . . . . . . .206
97 Have a Plan for Your Career . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .208
98 Look at the Long-Term Ramifications of What You
Do for a Living . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .210
99 Be Good at Your Job . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .212
100 Be Aware of the Damage You Are Doing . . . . . . . . . . . . . .214
101 Be for the Glory, Not the Degradation . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .216
102 Be Part of the Solution, Not the Problem . . . . . . . . . . . . .218
103 Check What History Would Say About You . . . . . . . . . . . .220
104 Not Everything Can Be Green . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .222
105 Put Something Back . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .224
106 Find a New Rule Every Day—or Occasionally
at Least . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .226
1 Keep It Under Your Hat . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .4
2 You’ll Get Older But Not Necessarily Wiser . . . . . . . . . . . . .6
3 Accept What Is Done Is Done . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .8
4 Accept Yourself . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .10
5 Know What Counts and What Doesn’t . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .12
6 Dedicate Your Life to Something . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .14
7 Be Flexible in Your Thinking . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .16
8 Take an Interest in the Outside World . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .18
9 Be on the Side of the Angels, Not the Beasts . . . . . . . . . . .20
10 Only Dead Fish Swim with the Stream . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .22
11 Be the Last to Raise Your Voice . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .24
12 Be Your Own Adviser . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .26
13 No Fear, No Surprise, No Hesitation, No Doubt . . . . . . . . .28
14 I Wish I’d Done That—and I Will . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .30
15 It’s OK to Give Up . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .32
16 Count to Ten—or Recite “Baa Baa Black Sheep” . . . . . . . .34
17 Change What You Can Change; Let Go of the Rest . . . . .36
18 Aim to Be the Very Best at Everything You Do—
Not Second Best . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .38
19 Don’t Expect to Be Perfect . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .40
20 Don’t Be Afraid to Dream . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .42
21 If You’re Going to Jump Off a Bridge, Make Sure
You Know How Deep the Water Is . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .44
22 Don’t Dwell on the Past . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .46
23 Don’t Live in the Future . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .48
24 Get on With Life—It’s Whooshing Past . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .50
25 Be Consistent . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .52
26 Dress Like Today Is Important . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .54
27 Have a Belief System . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .56
28 Leave a Little Space for Yourself Each Day . . . . . . . . . . . . .58
29 Have a Plan . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .60
30 Have a Sense of Humor . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .62
31 Choose How You Make Your Bed . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .64
32 Life Can Be a Bit Like Advertising . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .66
33 Get Used to Stepping Outside Your Comfort Zone . . . . . . .68
34 Learn to Ask Questions . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .70
35 Have Dignity . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .72
36 It’s OK to Feel Big Emotions . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .74
37 Keep the Faith . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .76
38 You’ll Never Understand Everything . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .78
39 Know Where True Happiness Comes From . . . . . . . . . . . .80
40 Life Is a Pizza . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .82
41 Know When to Let Go—When to Walk Away . . . . . . . . . . . .84
42 Retaliation Leads to Escalation . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .86
43 Look After Yourself . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .88
44 Maintain Good Manners in All Things . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .90
45 Prune Your Stuff Frequently . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .92
46 Remember to Touch Base . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .94
47 Draw the Lines Around Yourself . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .96
48 Shop for Quality, Not Price . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .98
49 It’s OK to Worry, or to Know How Not To . . . . . . . . . . . . . .100
50 Stay Young . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .102
51 Throwing Money at a Problem Doesn’t Always Work . . . .104
52 Think for Yourself . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .106
53 You Are Not in Charge . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .108
54 Have Something in Your Life That Takes You
Out of Yourself . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .110
55 Only the Good Feel Guilty . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .112
56 If You Can’t Say Anything Nice, Don’t Say
Anything at All . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .114
Part II Partnership Rules . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .117
57 Accept the Differences, Embrace What You Have in
Common . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .120
58 Allow Your Partner the Space to Be Themselves . . . . . . .122
59 Be Nice . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .124
60 You Want to Do What? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .126
61 Be the First to Say Sorry . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .128
62 Go That Extra Step in Trying to Please Them . . . . . . . . . .130
63 Always Have Someone—or Something—That Is
Pleased to See You . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .132
64 Know When to Listen and When to Act . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .134
65 Have a Passion for Your Life Together . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .136
66 Make Sure Your Love Making Is Making Love . . . . . . . . . .138
67 Keep Talking . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .140
68 Respect Privacy . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .142
69 Check You Both Have the Same Shared Goals . . . . . . . . .144
70 Treat Your Partner Better Than Your Best Friend . . . . . . .146
71 Contentment Is a High Aim . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .148
72 You Don’t Both Have to Have the Same Rules . . . . . . . . .150
Part III Family and Friends Rules . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .153
73 If You Are Going to Be a Friend, Be a Good Friend . . . . . .156
74 Never Be Too Busy for Loved Ones . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .158
75 Let Your Kids Mess Up for Themselves—They Don’t
Need Any Help from You . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .160
76 Have a Little Respect and Forgiveness for
Your Parents . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .162
77 Give Your Kids a Break . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .164
78 Never Lend Money Unless You Are Prepared to
Write It Off . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .166
79 Keep Quiet . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .168
80 There Are No Bad Children . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .170
81 Be Up Around People You Love . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .172
82 Give Your Kids Responsibilities . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .174
83 Your Children Need to Fall Out with You to
Leave Home . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .176
84 Your Kids Will Have Friends You Don’t Like . . . . . . . . . . .178
85 Your Role as a Child . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .180
86 Your Role as a Parent . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .182
Part IV Social Rules . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .185
87 We’re All Closer Than You Think . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .188
88 It Doesn’t Hurt to Forgive . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .190
89 It Doesn’t Hurt to Be Helpful . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .192
90 What’s in It for Them? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .194
91 Hang Out with Positive People . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .196
92 Be Generous with Your Time and Information . . . . . . . . .198
93 Get Involved . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .200
94 Keep the Moral High Ground . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .202
95 Just Because You Have, Dosen’t Mean They
Have Too . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .204
96 Do Compare Yourself with Other People . . . . . . . . . . . . . .206
97 Have a Plan for Your Career . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .208
98 Look at the Long-Term Ramifications of What You
Do for a Living . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .210
99 Be Good at Your Job . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .212
100 Be Aware of the Damage You Are Doing . . . . . . . . . . . . . .214
101 Be for the Glory, Not the Degradation . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .216
102 Be Part of the Solution, Not the Problem . . . . . . . . . . . . .218
103 Check What History Would Say About You . . . . . . . . . . . .220
104 Not Everything Can Be Green . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .222
105 Put Something Back . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .224
106 Find a New Rule Every Day—or Occasionally
at Least . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .226
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