Rules of Life - Richard Templar

Part I Rules for You . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .1

1 Keep It Under Your Hat . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .4
2 You’ll Get Older But Not Necessarily Wiser . . . . . . . . . . . . .6
3 Accept What Is Done Is Done . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .8
4 Accept Yourself . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .10
5 Know What Counts and What Doesn’t . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .12
6 Dedicate Your Life to Something . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .14
7 Be Flexible in Your Thinking . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .16
8 Take an Interest in the Outside World . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .18
9 Be on the Side of the Angels, Not the Beasts . . . . . . . . . . .20
10 Only Dead Fish Swim with the Stream . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .22
11 Be the Last to Raise Your Voice . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .24
12 Be Your Own Adviser . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .26
13 No Fear, No Surprise, No Hesitation, No Doubt . . . . . . . . .28
14 I Wish I’d Done That—and I Will . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .30
15 It’s OK to Give Up . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .32
16 Count to Ten—or Recite “Baa Baa Black Sheep” . . . . . . . .34
17 Change What You Can Change; Let Go of the Rest . . . . .36
18 Aim to Be the Very Best at Everything You Do—
Not Second Best . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .38
19 Don’t Expect to Be Perfect . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .40
20 Don’t Be Afraid to Dream . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .42
21 If You’re Going to Jump Off a Bridge, Make Sure
You Know How Deep the Water Is . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .44
22 Don’t Dwell on the Past . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .46
23 Don’t Live in the Future . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .48
24 Get on With Life—It’s Whooshing Past . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .50
25 Be Consistent . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .52
26 Dress Like Today Is Important . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .54
27 Have a Belief System . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .56

28 Leave a Little Space for Yourself Each Day . . . . . . . . . . . . .58
29 Have a Plan . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .60
30 Have a Sense of Humor . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .62
31 Choose How You Make Your Bed . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .64
32 Life Can Be a Bit Like Advertising . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .66
33 Get Used to Stepping Outside Your Comfort Zone . . . . . . .68
34 Learn to Ask Questions . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .70
35 Have Dignity . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .72
36 It’s OK to Feel Big Emotions . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .74
37 Keep the Faith . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .76
38 You’ll Never Understand Everything . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .78
39 Know Where True Happiness Comes From . . . . . . . . . . . .80
40 Life Is a Pizza . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .82
41 Know When to Let Go—When to Walk Away . . . . . . . . . . . .84
42 Retaliation Leads to Escalation . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .86
43 Look After Yourself . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .88
44 Maintain Good Manners in All Things . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .90
45 Prune Your Stuff Frequently . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .92
46 Remember to Touch Base . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .94
47 Draw the Lines Around Yourself . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .96
48 Shop for Quality, Not Price . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .98
49 It’s OK to Worry, or to Know How Not To . . . . . . . . . . . . . .100
50 Stay Young . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .102
51 Throwing Money at a Problem Doesn’t Always Work . . . .104
52 Think for Yourself . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .106
53 You Are Not in Charge . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .108
54 Have Something in Your Life That Takes You
Out of Yourself . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .110
55 Only the Good Feel Guilty . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .112
56 If You Can’t Say Anything Nice, Don’t Say
Anything at All . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .114

Part II Partnership Rules . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .117

57 Accept the Differences, Embrace What You Have in
Common . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .120
58 Allow Your Partner the Space to Be Themselves . . . . . . .122
59 Be Nice . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .124

60 You Want to Do What? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .126
61 Be the First to Say Sorry . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .128
62 Go That Extra Step in Trying to Please Them . . . . . . . . . .130
63 Always Have Someone—or Something—That Is
Pleased to See You . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .132
64 Know When to Listen and When to Act . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .134
65 Have a Passion for Your Life Together . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .136
66 Make Sure Your Love Making Is Making Love . . . . . . . . . .138
67 Keep Talking . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .140
68 Respect Privacy . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .142
69 Check You Both Have the Same Shared Goals . . . . . . . . .144
70 Treat Your Partner Better Than Your Best Friend . . . . . . .146
71 Contentment Is a High Aim . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .148
72 You Don’t Both Have to Have the Same Rules . . . . . . . . .150

Part III Family and Friends Rules . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .153

73 If You Are Going to Be a Friend, Be a Good Friend . . . . . .156
74 Never Be Too Busy for Loved Ones . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .158
75 Let Your Kids Mess Up for Themselves—They Don’t
Need Any Help from You . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .160
76 Have a Little Respect and Forgiveness for
Your Parents . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .162
77 Give Your Kids a Break . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .164
78 Never Lend Money Unless You Are Prepared to
Write It Off . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .166
79 Keep Quiet . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .168
80 There Are No Bad Children . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .170
81 Be Up Around People You Love . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .172
82 Give Your Kids Responsibilities . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .174
83 Your Children Need to Fall Out with You to
Leave Home . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .176
84 Your Kids Will Have Friends You Don’t Like . . . . . . . . . . .178
85 Your Role as a Child . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .180
86 Your Role as a Parent . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .182

Part IV Social Rules . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .185

87 We’re All Closer Than You Think . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .188
88 It Doesn’t Hurt to Forgive . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .190
89 It Doesn’t Hurt to Be Helpful . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .192
90 What’s in It for Them? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .194
91 Hang Out with Positive People . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .196
92 Be Generous with Your Time and Information . . . . . . . . .198
93 Get Involved . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .200
94 Keep the Moral High Ground . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .202
95 Just Because You Have, Dosen’t Mean They
Have Too . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .204
96 Do Compare Yourself with Other People . . . . . . . . . . . . . .206
97 Have a Plan for Your Career . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .208
98 Look at the Long-Term Ramifications of What You
Do for a Living . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .210
99 Be Good at Your Job . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .212
100 Be Aware of the Damage You Are Doing . . . . . . . . . . . . . .214
101 Be for the Glory, Not the Degradation . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .216
102 Be Part of the Solution, Not the Problem . . . . . . . . . . . . .218
103 Check What History Would Say About You . . . . . . . . . . . .220
104 Not Everything Can Be Green . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .222
105 Put Something Back . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .224
106 Find a New Rule Every Day—or Occasionally
at Least . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .226

Lament

Lament is a bad word. I wish it were never there in the dictionary. Bad, because it signifies a state of mind where we knot ourselves to a past and don’t will to come out. There is a choice I would say, not of effecting miracles, but of trying to put ourselves in a context with the present, in preference to a subjective past or an unknown future. How much of that you will will, is in direct correlation to your maturity of thought.

On Freedom to Choose

Freedom and “freedom to choose” are two completely different things, and Sadhguru, in my opinion got this fundamentally wrong or may not have picked up the other thread. There is absolutely no question about the absoluteness of freedom, nobody has to provide it – it is a fundamental right of a living thing, not to be got nor does a parent endow it, or bequeath it to its progeny. 

The real question was should kids be allowed (free to) to make decisions (that have far reaching consequences in their lives). For most Indians this will mean at a basic level – freedom to choose a career / subjects of their choice (intermediate, graduation, PG etc.), freedom to pick up a mate of their choice. And in both these cases, we Indians tend to be imposing. Perhaps we believe we have seen live enough, or have experienced it enough to make the choices on behalf of our children. Most hilariously we seem to know what chemistry will work between a girl and boy and choose, rather ignorantly, a mate with whom they are supposed to spend rest of their lives. This happens because there is no concept of love in the Indian belief. Love happens, just like that – we tie a north and south pole and believe attraction will happen just like that.

The definition of success in India is fundamentally wrong. It is so much tied to material success. Qualifications, earnings, and acquisition of material wealth alone means a person is successful. Whereas it should not be about prestige, power, or possession, it is.